5 rules for taking #selfies on Instagram (if you must)

First, let’s define what a selfie is. Just so we’re clear:
1. It’s a picture with your face in it.
2. You took the photo yourself. Another human being was not involved.
3. It is shared on the internet — Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or whatever.

Now, the rules:

1. Selfies are off-limits for anyone over 21*
   Are you allowed to legally consume alcohol in the United States of America? If so, you are too old to go fishing for compliments with a self-portrait. Leave the selfies for Snapchatting teens who can use the word “ratchet” in a sentence without Googling “ratchet” and “urban dictionary” at the same time.
   
   *Exceptions: Fashion bloggers, models, and anyone else who makes a living off of their appearance is exempt from this rule. So is anyone 21 or over who’s using the selfie to communicate something new to friends. New haircut: Great! New glasses? Snap away! GoofyMovember mustache? By all means, share. Same old you? Put the camera down.
   
   
2. The following words and phrases are banned from selfie captions:
   
   “Bored”
   “Studying”
   “Ready for bed”“Good morning!”
   “Hitting the gym”
   “#GQ” (LOL)
   “Work hard, play hard”

Essentially, ask yourself, “What would Kim Kardashian do?” Then do the opposite.

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Do you see what I see? I have arrived! The weather is frigid, for the deep south. #dc ~ @lahlauren

Our multimedia editor Lauren Hansen is in Washington D.C. this weekend, and she’s taken our Instagram account with her. She’s a delight, and you should follow along. We’re @theweekmag. 

Before you post yet another picture of your dinner, check it out: We spoke with New York Times food photographer Andrew Scrivani, who gave us some practical, useful rules for sprucing up your Instagram feed like a pro without annoying the other restaurant-goers around you.

1. Don’t be a jerk. Don’t make a production out of it. Be as discreet as possible. Don’t stretch across the table. Try not to stand. And don’t, under any circumstances, use flash. Even for professional food photographers, “shooting in the murky weirdness of restaurants is torture,” says Scrivani, which means you have to pick your spots. If the restaurant is well-lit, that’s fine — take a few snaps and move on with your meal. If it’s dark, keep your iPhone tucked away. It’s that simple. “Flashing your food is bad for aesthetic reasons,” he says. “And the fact that you’re annoying all the diners around you.”
    
2. Be selective. You don’t have to photograph everything you eat. Limit yourself to plates that are “funky looking or in some weird lighting,” he says. “Instagram has become overloaded with pictures of what people are eating or what their cat is doing. It gets tedious because people are not selective.” That’s really the key to any good photograph: Be a discerning editor. “If you’re just snapping away and posting everything, you might as well be taking vacation photos,” Scrivani says. And if you try putting only your best foot forward, you may even get a like or two. 

Hey guys, we’re on Instagram. Our first post was a photo of the wall in our office dedicated entirely to cute animals. 

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Could Facebook actually improve Instagram? That’s Chris Taylor at Mashable’s theory. Consider Google’s acquisition of YouTube for $1.65 billion in 2006. The search giant left the video service to do its own thing, “only this time with access to piles of Google cash.” If Facebook does likewise, as Zuckerberg is promising, the Instagram you already love will only get better.